Luciano "I forgot the cocaine was in my lap" Ramirez

From the GNPDX really dumb criminal file, we pull this gem.  Two illegal aliens, Alfredo Lugo-Velez and Luciano Ramirez, get pulled over on a traffic stop near NE 191^st and Glisan.  Luciano puts his hands up and tries to get out of the Taurus.  Here’s the problem.  He forgets about the half-pound of cocaine in his lap. 

When he stands up, the drugs (with a street value of about $100,000) flop onto the pavement, right in front of the officers.

Both men are locked up and, when the justice department is all done, the team down at Immigration has some questions as well.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

When Daniel Rice gets out of prison a little over a year from now, he’ll have to call a buddy to come pick him up.  And when he goes to the grocery store for the first time “on the outside” he’ll have to take a cab or the bus.  And Ten years from now, when he wants to go to the mall, he’ll have to walk.

Daniel Rice is never driving a car again.  Why?  He has SEVEN DUII convictions.  And not just seven in the past few months.  His habit of popping the cork before hopping behind the wheel spans 15 years.  Looking at that pattern of behavior, a Yamhill County Judge finally said that Rice just doesn’t get it.  His latest conviction gets 14 months in the slammer and a permanently suspended drivers license.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

This one is just too good.  If you’ll recall, cops statewide were hunting down people who were not driving their seat belts the past two weeks and handing out fines.

Well, during the blitz they spotted Alex Park in Salem.  It turns out Mr Park was on probation for cocaine and not properly buckled into his car.

When cops pulled him over for the seatbelt ticket, they checked out his ride and found 33 grams of cocaine and 11 grand in cash in a hidden compartment.  Even better, Park was within 1,000 feet of a school.

Between the probation violation, lack of seat belt, driving with a suspended license, possession, manufacture and delivery of cocaine within 1,000 feet of a school, his bail added up to over a million dollars.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

We’re all afraid of Identity Theft.  Beyond the financial hardship it can cause, when someone else runs around with your credit card YOU wind up sentenced to months and months of constant phone trees and customer service reps as you try to untangle the mess left behind.  Just stealing from someone is bad enough, but condemning them to a year of phone-tree hard labor is downright inhuman.

So when cases like Christina Foos’ cross the GoodNews desk, we can’t help but cheer a little bit.  The 35-year-old admits she lifted credit cards from the Sherwood City Hall and went on a shopping spree.  Then, she hightailed it to Arizona (a violation of her parole for previous crimes).

But running from the law doesn’t always work.  Cops stayed on her trail, tracking her down and hauling her back to Washington County where she pled guilty to multiple counts.  Hopefully her victims will have sorted through their credit hiccups by the time she’s released in three years.  

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

A messy hunter will have to pick up his venison, bear, and other wild meats at the store for the next two years after not cleaning up on a recent trip.

It seems Ronald Cecil killed a Bighorn Sheep a couple months ago and took all the trophy parts (head and horns) but left the . . . . remains . . . behind. Hunters are required to remove the entire animal and process the meat on a kill or else it’s called Waste of Wildlife.

Tracking Cecil was relatively easy because there were only ten tags released this year to hunt big horn sheep this year and Cecil was one (it’s common to only get one chance to hunt the animals in a lifetime).

But Cecil can put his rifle and camo outfits in the closet for a while.  Like a teen that wouldn’t clean up his room, Cecil has been “grounded” from hunting for two years (suspended license).  He also got hit with some hefty fines.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

Today’s GoodNewsPDX “Stud of the Day” is US District Court Judge Ancer Hagerty. 

Judge Hagerty oversaw the plea deal of C. Wesley Rhodes this morning, a man who admits to ripping off dozens of investors for somewhere between $22 and $40 Million. 

Of course, Rhodes had a good reason for swindling these innocent people out of their retirement.  He had to bankroll his own hobby of restoring luxury cars.  (No, he didn’t really use that as a defense but that is where a chunk of the money went).

So why is Judge Hagerty our favorite person today?  It starts with the fact that Rhodes will spend the next decade in a federal prison (a very steep sentence for this type of crime by the way).

But perhaps even snazzier, some of the victims spoke during Rhodes’ sentencing.  Typically, these are emotional pleas that occasionally get a little heated.  Dick Helmberger took it to a new level, lacing into Rhodes in a tirade that drew cheers from the peanut gallery.

Here’s where Judge Hagerty is cemented as pure, unadulterated awesome.  Rhodes lawyer tried to object to the tirades, claiming his client didn’t deserve that kind of abuse. 

Judge Hagerty overruled the objection.

In court speak, that means “absolutely your client deserves it!  Now sit down!”

Enjoy your luxury suite at Chez Sheridan, C. Wesley Rhodes!  

Bookmark It

Hide Sites

As a policy, GoodNewsPDX does not typically offer advice to criminals.  However, in this case, we’re going to make an exception.  If, in your future, you find yourself driving with $420,000 cash and 2 ounces of opium in your rental car . . . don’t speed.  Actually, don’t break any laws at all.  Do nothing to attract attention to yourself or your highly illegal cargo.  

Apparently, David Saee (pictured) didn’t get that memo.  Saee was busted for speeding on I-5 in Salem.  While checking things out, the cop found the drugs (worth about $2,500 on the street) and the cash in his rented Nissan Xterra (wonder if he got the $6 insurance).  

Saee, spent a few nights in the Marion County Jail before posting bail.  His passenger hasn’t been charged and walked free.

Bookmark It

Hide Sites